Diaries of a Widow: Day 1

She came home quiet. You know, how she does when she didn't have a good weekend during visitation. Ever since you left, I'm surprised that there's still pieces of my already shattered heart that can be broken.

After talking to The Boy, he told me to go. To take them. He's slowly losing his patience with everyone being so cruel. You'd be so proud of him. He's been helpful, and helping me make choices the way you would.

We started driving. In my mind it was Fast N Furious style...when really it was just me racing away from the negativity in my mind. The farther away we got, the more clear I was able to think, without emotions. It was freeing.

We stopped at Dennys for breakfast. Bubby drew Minnie Mouse for the waitress. She was so excited to share with her that we're going to Disneyland. Her Minnie Mouse looked more like a ninja turtle, so we all started cracking up. I caught myself, catching myself, smiling. I wondered for a second if it will always be like this...that every time I have a happy second, it's instantly followed by a pause.sadness.remembering.wishing you were here.

Some days I'm able to get through the day and be present for the kids. Other days I can't even get out bed. My counselor says that he's proud of me for me allowing myself to do both. I guess that's healthy with grieving. Allowing yourself to feel whatever it is in that moment. ..not really a thing I want to be good at. Becoming a part of the widowhood was not in my plans. You said we'd Notebook it. ....our plans were so far off.

We're in Cali! And guess what. Ima go to the beach ⛱ 😎 I love you. Thank you for loving us.

Until I see you again,

Your wife

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