I've never been a morning person. But now...I hate mornings. Waking up to another day without you is a different kind of pain. Mornings are daily heartbreaking reminders that you aren't here. I look at the clock, counting down the time until I can go to sleep.
Sleep is an opportunity to dream about you. "See you." "Feel you." Take me out of this nightmare called life. I want so badly for it to be over. That I wake up and you're just here. Holding me. Kissing me. Pissing me off with your hot headed attitude - and for what, you were always wrong. 😒 😌
The very last thing you said to me.."Hurry, I need my strength." Sometimes that sentence is a motivation. Other times it haunts me cuz I wasn't strong enough for you.
When I'd visit you in the room, it took every ounce of me to not break down and scream. I knew you could still hear. I knew you could feel me there. So I tried my hardest to not let you hear my pain. You were never good at focusing on yourself when I was hurting.
You constantly told me how you couldn't live without me. How you would break in so many ways if something ever happened to me. ...I'M MAD. If you couldn't, what makes God think I can. Why. Why do I have to live life without you.
Why didn't we get more time. I hate that this is our story. My story. The kids' story. I hate walking with the pain. Especially knowing it'll never go away.
I am trying.
<3 Your Wife